Honey, don’t blame me for what you asked for, for you wanted your own personal space, for I still remember I am still your husband and there is no such thing as personal space when you are married, but since U really want it and needed it, I decided it is to be. I let it be. I just give up on things and the way things are.
Sometimes I find it that no wonder that people want to get back to being locked up in detention, for the ache of the family members. I feel the same things when I was discharged from the Brig back nearly a decade ago..and now I am feeling it again…that I can’t work it out.
Nor do I like to be pushed into the corner nor I like how things are turning out. I don’t like things the way it is, and what it is, is something that annoys me. I gave up my life as such, same as how you made the vows. We already have a child, and as I said, I don’t like things the way it is…for I feel it is violated for what the things and way it is, feeling so dirty with the events, for I feel cheated.
I love you as much as I can, and care for you are my someone…and the thing is, these people have no sense or right to be between me and you, what more when I am your partner.As much as you say that divorce is the way to go, but are you just being a partner? For who dare calls you at 3am in the morning, friend or not, for it is such that their mother and father did not teach em a lesson in Islam, or are you an Infidel now?
I have reach ends wit, for you don’t want me anymore,for I can’t find enough money to feed you, to spend time with my own child, that you deny me of the right, which is not a privilege. I love you all, and I don’t know what else can I do… you pushed me to a corner which I can’t seem to get it out of my system.
Ramblings like this are not right, but then I have to let it out, for it is hurting me inside me, as my health is not getting any better,which I don’t need to tell you, but I do want to know what happens to you, for I am still responsible over you and you answerable to me. At least, a text message would do just fine, even at 4 am in the morning.Challenges are part of life, and I am tripping, for I send you back home so I can catch up, and not for you to torment me, and to love me more, not to hate and make me hate you.
I don’t care what your friends say, for your friends is not a friend of mine,
For that they do not feed me, nor they give something to me,
For I am not their friend, and all I care is you, the baby and our parents.
For it is what Rasul demand of me.
I realise now as I realise then, is that my love for you is still the same, but yours now is turning to hate. I really don’t want to make the mistake. I love U alot, a whole darn lot. I tried to give everything I could, even though I can’t and ill afford it. For I realise what my name is all about:
A Lilin, A candle, burning oneself for others, for Family and for I wasted my life away,
For I will be rotting and burning my life away, For the love of family,
For I miss God, For All I want now is to be in front of Kaa’bah…
For All I pray for is that you be a very good and dedicated Muslimah
A very hard working and loving Mother,
For I prayed so much, that I forgot to ask from God
To ask Him to make you a very Good and Dedicated Wife.
For now God I got what I asked, Now please take me now.
And burn me away, and away with it is my very tainted soul,
For I can’t bear to bear the brunt of your Wrath
That I am ashamed that I failed your tasks,
And for everything that you asked of me,
For all I am, is now a failure.
Please don’t resurrect me.
Three Strikes, now I am out!
For I still love my child.
